"Be My Escape"

I’ve given up on giving up slowly,
I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me
apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention
is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away
And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house
all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing
where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house
all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing
where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency
is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house
all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out
and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing
where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You,
I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You

So were You

I'll be home For Christmas

Let me just get the obligatory apology for not writing in a long long while: Sorry.   And now on to the post. Well it is that time of year again, Christmas. And as such many people travel home and I happen to fall into that category. Yes, I am home for Christmas. Traveling down familiar roads, seeing familiar faces and not having to eat Kraft Dinner.  It is a nice break from the everyday stress of school, papers, my crappy apartment, and the like.  However I must admit that I still tend to feel homesick over the holiday regardless of resting on old stomping grounds.  This Christmas is one, like last year that will be different from Christmas’ past.  The family is split up now so this makes Christmas kind of weird.  Opening presents without Mom and Christmas dinner without Dad are both firsts for me.  I don’t really like it but I guess this is part of life.

Yet as much as that sucks I’m sure Christmas will still be fine and we will get through it.  And there are better years ahead for sure.  There are certainly worse things in life.  Either way that is what I’m doing over the holidays so there you go.  If you are lucky enough to be able to spend this time with your family I encourage you to do so.  You never know what life will bring.

Merry Christmas.